From Con Man to Convict

Trump finally wins the popular vote

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With last week’s unanimous verdict declaring Trump guilty on all 34 felony counts, we finally saw the corrupt son of a bitch actually earn something for the first time in his miserable life: the befitting title of convicted felon.

As the most hated man in America — if not the entire world — it was especially appropriate that it was a New York jury that voted to convict him. New Yorkers at large have always seen Trump for the grifting weasel he is. Though Donald desperately longed to be accepted and respected by the New York elites he so zealously admired, behind his back they’d roll their eyes and snicker, laughing at him and his greaseball family members.

Trump has always been a detestable clown, full of himself and, therefore, entirely devoid of class or intellect. Turns out, even the rich can’t buy dignity, and the adage which says “you can’t polish a turd” absolutely holds true.

Only in recent months has there been any glimmer of hope that Trump may actually face consequences for his lifetime of crime and malfeasance. The swindling, spray-tanned bastard spent all seventy-seven years of his life in…